He took it Hard
by Killough
Summary: Placed right after "Things Change." Beast Boy's heart is shredded after the break up with Terra. He only wants to be alone with sad thoughts for company... before he tries to rid himself from the world. MAJOR EMO ANGST! BBXTERRA! ONESHOT!


Beast Boy ran. He ran as fast as he could, trying not to focus on the facts. The facts that slapped him in the face, and broke his heart. He could feel the sadness swelling in his throat, clouding into his mind, and pushing against the back of his eyes. He kept running still. He needed to forget. He just needed to try. It was over. He was needed elsewhere. He wasn't needed here, he wasn't wanted here… He could no longer combat against the tears flowing down his cheeks and sprinkling into the air as he ran.

She turned him down. After all that waiting… After all the hoping…

She was gone. And at the same time, he felt as if he had gone too…

…………………….

After the white ship shafting creature had been defeated and taken away to a high in security and technology holding prison, the Titans returned home to their tower. It had been strangely, quiet. The tem had been complaining for days about how they needed Beast Boy's super sleuth nose to track this monster, and an extra hand in battle as well. However even upon his return, the spiritless look in his expression stopped them from speaking It was, difficult to explain, like a subtle shock. It was not as if not speaking was unnatural or feeling sad was a crime, but Beast Boy was hardly seen with such features. Especially not this heavily. It wasn't until Beast Boy had gone to his room, door sliding silently behind him, that the team even felt as if they could speak. Cyborg was first,

"What was that about?" he asked hiking his thumb down the hall in the direction of Beast Boy's room. They were all in the living room. Pondering the abnormal mannerisms of their friend. Raven stared at him from underneath her dark hood.

"Wasn't it obvious? None of us needed to even be psychic to know how he is feeling. Something must have gone wrong with Terra." Starfire floated closely to Robin.

"Perhaps, this Terra was not our Terra?" she asked the group. Robin's eyes held a touch of gloom as he spoke.

"Or Terra didn't want to come back..." The team was silent again. Needless to say, if that was the case it would most certainly be the cause of Beast Boy's withdrawal.

"So don't you think one of us should talk to him about it? Set the little dude straight and let him know that we're here?"

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea. It's really all we can do if he doesn't want to talk about it. Just, be here until he wants too." Robin agreed. More silence. The tower never felt so awkward an unsure.

………………………

Beast Boy lay upon the mattress of his lower bunk. The sheets had been stripped, his room a usual mess, however, his curtains were drawn closed. His body shook with tiny sobs. He was holding it in. For some reason, he didn't want to explode with the sadness. For it would make it all to official that it was over. It was over for real. He clutched his pillow, letting the tears constantly flow down his face. Gritting his teeth with the wrenching, and twisted pain of heart break. He tore off his gloves and boots. He had to get them off, quickly. It was like they were burning him, everything burned it felt like. He returned to smothering his pillow, only letting the sounds of a few squeaks of hurt emerge from the back of his throat, or the sound of his heavy breathing. His heart kept hoping that she would fly to his window like she had down once before, or appear in the room with him suddenly, sitting on the edge of the bed ready to hold him, saying she was back, back forever and wanting him and only him always….

It hurts… he could barely think to himself. Terra it hurts so much… Please… Please Terra

A knock could be heard on his door.

"Yo B? You okay in there? It's Cy." Beast Boy, somewhat surprised, tried to snuff his emotions quickly. He answered back, voice almost cracking.

"Yeah… I'm okay."

Cyborg leaned himself against the side of the door, sighing a little bit. Guess he's not gonna open up today… He knew it right away when the door didn't open before Beast Boy spoke. And honestly, he couldn't blame him. At times like this, you couldn't help but want to be alone.

"Listen BB… I just wanted you to know… Whatever, um… sigh" This was really difficult. "… I'll be here man. I'm gonna be right here if you ever wanted to talk. If you just need someone to listen. It'll be me, okay?" Beast Boy's answer came slow.

"… Yeah… I, I know." Cyborg gave a sad smile to the door before turning away. There was such a crestfallen sound behind his voice. It was so soft, and feeble. But I suppose it would be, if your heart had been broken. Cyborg left, hoping his friend would come around soon…

Unfortunately…

He didn't…

………………………………...

It had been a week since the what had happened. A week and none of the Titans have seen the green changeling come from his room. As they passed, they may press an ear to the door, or knock and ask how he's feeling, if he wants to train, or have breakfast. Short answers were only in supply, limited to wither "Yeah," or "No." It was that night however, when things were to take a turn…. For the worst….

Beast Boy lay upon his bare mattress. Hardly moving from the spot all week. Only leaving to go to the bathroom really, or for a sip of water. It was strange… but after all that time lying there, thinking of the girl who had broken his heart, he still found himself talking to her.

"I wonder… what would've happened Terra," he whispered. His throat and lips dry due to the lack of use. Still, chapped or no, he continued to whisper to her. "I know it seems, kinda… pathetic but, I thought you were waiting for me. I mean, I was the one who was waiting for you that whole time but… I dunno. Maybe I thought you could dream while you were that statue. I thought you were waiting for me, in your dreams… And, I felt sorta happy. Thinking that you'd wait for me. Maybe you were waiting for me… aw, if only I had been the one to wake you up! Maybe if I was the one who woke you, you wouldn't… You wouldn't of, forgotten me…."

The feeling came on right away again. He could only describe it like, like it was a burning feeling. He shot up off his bed a ripped off his clothes until he was only down to dark mauve boxers. It was like the clothes attached him to the world. He could feel them, touching him, reminding him that he could feel. The clothes he had worn when she had pushed him away. He just wanted to be numb. Push everything else away, everything…

Yeah… Tha'd be, nice… The thought had occurred to him… it was true. When the pain had just felt so real like this, how? How could a person even survive? The emotion alone, the pressure on his heart, he felt as if he was dead already. But alas, he was still here. Here. Still, burning. Still being strung through the hours of the days and nights, forcing to face this, this pain.

Why? I have a choice! I don't have to hurt! I shouldn't have to. She's not hurting… She's probably happy. Sleeping right now… without me in her dreams… Without me, forever… His body shifted from the bed and he stood up straight. He felt his blood flowing to his head, causing him to become dizzy for a few seconds. It felt sort of, nice. When your dizzy, your not focused. Your mind can't focus, and neither can your body… Kind of like you were drowning in movement…. Beast Boy slid against the wall, and lazily brushed away one curtain with his hand to see the world outside. It was dark. Water went on for what seemed like forever. The melancholy smile returned to his face once more.

That's it… He knew. He just, knew. He opened his window, feeling the cold wind rush against his body… At least the air was bitter… It fits anyway. He thought taking in the numb feeling of his body. He was about to fly into the night, but, he couldn't…. Not just yet. He stumbled to his closet. And pulled on a baggy white T-shirt with one ripped sleeve. He also slipped on some faded white shorts to match. They came down past his knees. He glanced back at his alarm clock. It was 3:30 AM, exactly.

Everyone would be asleep by now. He thought. … Perfect. He turned his back to the window, letting the cool breeze catch the back of his neck before he left he left the room, taking a few things with him.

Beast Boy made it a point to walk by each room in a certain order. First was Starfire. He had with him a simple sticker, of the infamous smiley logo of Blink 182. He re-called once Starfire laughing hysterically for hours at it. She was just so amusing, so kind, so understanding, and even more, a great friend. He slowly peeled it off, and stuck it gently upon her door. He knew she'd love it.

"Thanks Star," he whispered. "You were always, you." He kissed her door gently. Knowing this was uncharacteristic of himself, he blushed a little, and went on.

Robin's door came into view. The green teen only said two word upon the arrival at this door. And those words were, "Good job…" He had made Beast Boy push himself. Trained him hard, and he had learned so much. Besides, he was the leader. They had a strange bond. I know I'm the weakest of the team… on the inside and outside… But you made me, a little stronger. He set his belt at the door's side, and moved on.

Beast Boy couldn't help but grin a little coming upon Raven's room. All of the fights they shared, and arguments, really had brought them closer. Beast Boy didn't really see this of course until know.

"Raven," he said "try and be happy… cause you deserve it… really you do. Your so great, and smart, and I hope that one day, you'll be so proud of, of you…. Here." He set down a small little box. Wrapped poorly in green paper and a small crinkled purple bow. "I was gonna give you this for you birthday, but I just kept forgetting." he placed it square in the middle of her doorway. He reversed his steps and waved, waved good bye.

Inside her room, Raven stirred. She was having another nightmare. Another bad dream to ruin her sleep. It was the only thing left plaguing her after the Trigon incident. She was informed by Cyborg that this was only temporary, but it was two months going strong. However this dream was not Trigon related. In her mind it was black, dark, void. She was used to this scene while she meditated, but this darkness was not calm… This was, advanced darkness… Suddenly Beast Boy appeared in her view. Raven look strangely at him. He wore the most peculiar smile. It was much to understanding, or, or maybe it was hiding something else. His eyes looked so sad. He started to walk backwards and wave good bye, fading, fading. Raven's eyes grew wide with fear. He was disappearing faster now, into the dark. She flew after him, but he was just so far…

"Beast Boy!! You can't!! YOU CAN'T!!" She cried… But it was too late, he was already gone.

………………………………...

Finally, he came to Cyborg's room… He felt the sadness swelling into his throat once more. He shut his eyes as he spoke to stop himself from breaking even further.

"Cy… You know, I never thought that I'd ever have someone like you. Someone, like a brother, ya know? I mean, once I was green and looked like this I thought my life was over… Even more so when the Doom Patrol booted me off the team. But, dude, you were like me. And you always made me happy. Bet you didn't know but you were one of the reasons why I was so happy all the time. Out of everything I coulda gave you, I thought this would be the best thing." He set down a small black plastic piece. "It's the memory card to the Gamestation. I hid it when you started to brag about you beating my high score. It was really stupid a me. Sorry. But now it's all yours. Cyborg?" He opened his eyes at this point. A small tear escaped from the corner of his eye. "I love ya bro." At that he turned and ran. He ran back to his room, changed into a hawk, and flew off over the water.

Cyborg sat up straight on his metal slab of a bed. He couldn't sleep. It was Beast Boy who was on his mind. He hadn't left his room in so long.

It's not right. he thought, It's not healthy. Being cooped up alone with your own thoughts like that for so long…. He jumped off the table. That's it. I gotta talk to him. He decided. As Cyborg opened the door, he saw something out of the corner of his eye.

"Huh? Is that… The memory card!" Now I know that wasn't there when I went to bed. He thought. He glanced down the hall. Maybe, BB's out of his room? He asked himself. No… This doesn't feel right. He strode down the hallway. He saw something else as well. A green present outside of Raven's door. Horribly wrapped. Cyborg took note of this and walked a bit faster. He passed Robin's room next, and he saw Beast Boy's belt lying beside it. Cyborg's heart dropped in fear. No way… Cyborg broke into a jog. He passed Starfire's room with the sticker placed upon it, which made him run straight to Beast Boy's room. The door opened.

"Beast Boy!" he called as he ran in. No answer. He wasn't in bed. He felt a cool breeze on the human side of his face. He turned towards the culprit… An open window. Cyborg wasn't stupid. He knew what this was. He had been in high school once. And he knew the signs. But what he couldn't do, was believe it. "SHIT!" he swore running out of the room. He had to get to the T-car and find Beast Boy. He had to find him, before it was too late…

………………………………...

The night was so cool, an the stars were so bright. No cloud was visible for miles. The few beach houses that lined the city outskirts were all dark inside, as if they were hallowed out jack-o-lantern's with the candle gone out. The whole city seemed to be lost, dreaming. However, a dim candle was lit on a porch facing the water. It was a blonde haired girl, in blue eyes, wearing a long white trendy night gown with designs resembling sharpie doodles all over it. She walked to the end of the porch and tiptoed along the dock to it's edge. She stared out at the water. It was a little rough that night but the sky was beautiful. It had been a week. A week since she had done it… Since she had pushed him away. Why? If she knew it was the right thing to do, if it would prevent anymore horrible things from happening, than why was she still hurting? Her friends had called her so many times, she had not returned any of them. In school, she would be so quiet. It just felt like she was a ghost. A ghost drifting through the world. She saw the world around her, not through her own eyes. Not literally of course, but such is the feeling, of heart break. She could remember the pleading look upon his face as he coaxed, begged, and pleaded for her to come with him. And how she walked away. Even know she felt the need to cry.

Beast Boy. Terra thought. Beast Boy… I miss you…. I'm sorry I hurt you. But don't worry, because, that's the last time I'll ever hurt you. Ever. More tears spilled from her eyes.

"I'm so sorry…." She whispered through quiet weeping. She held her herself as she shook some. Such pain… She wondered, if he felt it too… Just than, she saw a dark mark appear above. It was a bird… And it was alone… Just as she was. However, this bird was green. Terra's blue eyes widened in realization and fled after it.

There was a quiet sound from nowhere upon the beach. It was a loud type of silence, that makes it seem as if the whole world, or even like time has stopped. Beast Boy settled on this beach, and changed back to his normal form. He was still wearing his baggy white apparel and he stood there on the beach. His feet took in the feeling of the sand. The burning feeling had stopped. But he knew it was only temporary. He had to finish what he came here to do. He looked down at this gloveless hands. The black claws extended and retracted as he moved them.

Terra's running came to a halt seeing Beast Boy change back. She stood there, quite an amount of distance between them. Had he not noticed her? Oh, she wanted nothing more in the whole world than to run to him, run to him and hold him and cry. Just cry forever and tell him that she wanted nothing more than to be with him forever. But she hid behind a nearby wooden pillar. She watched him from there. What was he doing out here so late? And, why was he wearing that?

Okay… He made it this far. So how was he going to do it? He knew the water, that much was clear. What if I chicken out at the last second and turn myself into a fish? he growled under his breath, That is just too like me. Damn, I can do this. I just have to think and stay determined to it. Like I have to. I do have to, I DO! It's… It's what she would want… Yeah… And I'd do it for Terra… Anything for Terra. Beast Boy walked slowly into the water. It was so cold. He shivered, but his face really didn't change. The sad expression remained, but there was relief in his eyes. It was going to be over, soon enough. He knelt down and loaded sand and pebbles into all of the pockets of his shorts. He didn't want to have to try and do this a second time.

Terra, who continued to spy on him, was confused. Is he planning on going for a morning swim or something? Why hasn't he turned into an animal yet if that was the case? And what were all those stones for? Terra slid down until she felt her knees touch the sand. He, he can't be doing anything stupid… He wouldn't he's not like that he's… walking out into the water….

Beast Boy pressed on. He took another step and his foot came in contact with something wiry and rough. He lifted it out of the water. It was a piece of worn rope. It looked as if it had been used for a fisherman's net once. Perfect he thought taking it with him. He continued to walk out into the water. He was waist deep now.

………………………………...

The T-Car's tires screeched across the road in the middle of the night. Cyborg grit his teeth, scanning, searching, trying to locate where his green friend would be.

"How can I find him when he doesn't even have his communicator with him?" He spoke angrily to himself. A light went off in his head as the idea hit him. He switched on another scanner in his car. A DNA scanner. He reached in the back searching for something, while still trying to keep his eyes on the road. Finally he found one. A green piece of hair. Beast Boy was always shedding as a dog. This is how Cyborg found out how Beast Boy was lying on certain furniture, but he had never been so happy to find dog hair in his car. He placed the piece of hair inside a small compartment next to the CD player.

"Computer, locate data." A small screen below blipped with a tiny dot of green light. It was moving. Cyborg sighed slightly, relieved that he was not yet too late. Than he took a look at the location. The docks. He switched his car into high gear and shot through the streets in a blaze.

"Boy, you better not do anything stupid or so help me god, I'll kill you myself!"

………………………………...

Beast Boy kept starring out into the sea, rope in hand. He tied it to his waist, and walked out to the end of the closest nearby peer. It had to be 10 yards away, and the water was rising passed his waist just now.

Terra's eyes followed him. Where'd that rope come from? He's… he's not going to…

He had reached it, and was treading water to stay afloat. It was difficult due to the heavy stones in his pockets. At least they were working. He took one last look above the water, and looked to the tower so very far away. He felt the tears once more, but he only smiled.

It's the least I could, to stay out of everyone's way from now on… He plunged down into the water. His heart was beating so fast, he felt so nervous, and yet so thrilled at the same time. This was it, this was finally it. He swam to the start of the pillar where it had been wedged inside the ground. Beast Boy hit the bottom with it, took the rope tied around his waist, and tied the other half of it to the pillar. He knotted it, good and tight. He stood back, looking at his work in the dark murky waters. The water was blurring his vision, but he knew he had done it… That's when he realized all he had to do now…. Was wait…. It hit him sort of hard. Waiting… It made him realize something else to, as his heart beat faster still, that he was going to run out of air…

Terra came into view from outside of her hiding place behind the wooden pillar…

….. Where did he go…. She saw bubbles rising from the spot where he sunk down into the water… Why isn't he coming back up?… Why is he not…. Terra's heart panicked as she edged towards the water.

"No… No he's….." She started to run towards it.

This was it, really. He could feel himself drifting in midwater, not being able to float up all the way because of the stones, and because of the rope's limitations. He could feel his lungs burning now. This pain, was the last burning he would feel. He shut his eyes tight, and opened his mouth to engulf as much water as he could. His eyes instantly grew wide at the pain. It was as if the water was endlessly flooding into the back of his esophagus. He withered in the water, clawing at his own throat, feeling the water flowing more and more. His heart panicked, he scrambled, and started to choke under the water. It was than when all of a sudden, he felt the dizziness… A sluggish thought drifted through his mind. Why he was doing this. He felt his whole body go limp. He felt so, relaxed, even though the pain in his lungs was unbelievable. His body drifted lower to the ground as his lungs took on more water. His eyes glazed over as he could barely feel the waters around him cradle his body. At last, he felt the last bit of air escaped his lips in a giant bubble. He made the heaviest effort to try and use it to speak the thought on his now drowning mind…

"Ter…..ra……………" The bubble drifted away from the quiet body,. Leaving it alone on the sea bed below………… to sleep forever….

………………………………...

"BEAST BOY!!" She screamed. Her hands grew yellow, trying to empty out his pockets of stones. A few bubbles appeared….. But he, had not………… Terra ran towards the water, and was about to dive in, when a giant metal hand was placed on her shoulder, and pushed her back on the shore. She could only catch a glimpse of the culprit before he dived into the water himself…. It was Cyborg.

He instantly sank to the bottom due to the wait of his metal parts. He jogged in slow motion under the water, holding his breath, and hoping to spot his friend. He flipped his shoulder light opened and spotted the body , motionless on the ground. His eyes looking at Cyborg, but Cyborg knew very well that he was not really looking at him. He shot his arm at the rope and broke it in two, watching the body drift in the direction of the current. He caught Beast Boy as he fell into his arms, and ran back to shore.

Terra stood up on the sandy beach. The wind blowing though her hair. Her tears streamed faster than before. Her hands clasped together, in prayer.

"God, please no! Not him! He doesn't deserve it!! It should be me out there, not him!! Please god no!"

Just than she saw the metal man rise out of the water with a drenched Beast Boy. His clothes, thoroughly soaked, eyes closed, mouth agape, and one arm dangling off to the side. Terra ran towards them as he was placed upon the sand. Cyborg put an ear to Beast Boy's chest, hoping for a heart beat. He clasped his hand together and pushed down on Beast Boy's chest, trying to pump the water out.

"Come on man, don't you DARE leave! You are NOT, gonna DIE while I'm with you!!" He tilted Beast Boy's head and plugged his nose, and breathed air deep into Beast Boy's water filled lungs. Cyborg listened again for a heart beat, and repeated this cycle four more times… Still nothing. Cyborg and Terra stared into each other's eyes in terror. Terra shook her head and raised her own hands.

"NO!" They came down on Beast Boy rather fireclay. Beast Boy's head cocked backwards as he coughed, sea water coming back out of his lungs. Terra and Cyborg smiled in relief, on the brink of tears. He seemed to be coughing for so long before he slowly opened his eyes. Terra backed away, slowly. Cyborg helped his sit up straight.

"Hey… What ya did?… was stupid…" Beast Boy's face stay emotionless, his eyes still barley open. He didn't say anything back. "Why'd ya do it man?" the concerned look in Cyborg's eye panged at Beast Boy's heart. Look what he had done. More hurting… He couldn't hold it in anymore. He shut his eyes tightly as the tears spilled over. He shook so fiercely. He couldn't look a him. It was like, he betrayed him some how. Cyborg could only watch his friend's face twist in pain. He gently wrapped his arms around Beast Boy.

"It's okay B… I'm here. I told you I would be." This only made Beast Boy cry harder. He wanted to hug him back. But he felt like he couldn't. He didn't deserve this kindness from Cyborg. But he felt his arms slowly, almost unsurely, wrap around Cyborg. He kept crying and crying. Finally releasing all of the anguish.

"C-C-Cyborg!! I'm s-so s-s-s-…." He choked over his words. "I just… and I couldn't, I couldn't, I…" He said no more… he only cried from than on. Cyborg looked up to find Terra… But she had already gone. The two boys sat on the beach for the remainder of the night. Beast Boy, who had the energy to do nothing more, fell asleep in tears in Cyborg's arms…

………………………………...

Two weeks had gone by since Beast Boy had tried to kill himself. Really, he had spent the first week either alone, or with Cyborg. But now he was roaming the halls and somewhat talking with his teammates again. He was even eating a little, and of course taking anti-depressants. Cyborg had told the whole team, without Beast Boy around ,of the incident and why he did what he did… and how Terra was even there to help. It seemed to be a pretty unbelievable story, but it was true… every word. The team knew they should all sit with Beast Boy and, have a team meeting of sorts. But that , will be for tomorrow.

Right now, Beast Boy was on the roof of Titan's tower. He had to admit, he had felt a lot better recently. He was alone with his thoughts again. But at least they weren't bad ones. Cyborg had told him what happened… How Terra was there… Saw him… Even helped him save him. He laid back to stare up into the stars.

"Heh, what are the chances?……. But, I guess this means that she must, still care about me…… Right?" He rolled over, feeling the warmth of the pavement.

"Who am I fooling… I wish I could've seen her there… I wonder what she would've said…"

"That you're an idiot." Beast Boy jumped up and turned around.

There she was. Floating on a giant rock. Wearing the very first outfit he had ever seen her in. Jean shorts, long white shit and T-shirt over it. Giant brown gloves and big boots. He could only stare. It almost felt as if, it was all a dream… Slade… The betrayal… The statue… The rejection… The past four weeks.

She jumped down from her rock and sat down next to him. About three feet apart. She hugged her knees to her chest as she spoke.

"I would say, you're an idiot, and I am not even worth as much as your pinky toe."

Beast Boy almost smiled, but he couldn't, not yet.

"I didn't want to hurt you Beast Boy… But I did anyway… I tried to push you away from me so, so that I couldn't keep doing what I do to you…" She looked at him, her eyes almost tearing. "I'm not worth it. Besides, this is, what? The fourth time? Fifth time I've broke your heart? I lost track… You can't keep forgiving a person like that Beast Boy, because eventually they'll be doing it to you all the time, and you'll just be too blind to the pain they cause you….. It's not healthy, and it could really damage you."

He could only keep looking as she spoke.

" I mean, not that it hasn't already hurt you. But that's my point. This is just going to keep happening unless I-

"Unless you make up your mind," he interrupted. She tilted her head, questioning his words.

"Everything was always great when you were with us," he said inching his hand toward hers. "It was whenever you left that always hurt me… If you could just… Stay, I know you won't be hurting anyone. But honestly Terra," he paused briefly before continuing, "I think you're the one whose hurting all the time. How long do you think you'll be a student before the real you comes back looking for adventure? Terra you can control your powers now. Slade is gone. You finally have control over your own life. Just, do what makes you happy. You've got to. It's the only way that you can stay alive." Terra's eyes brimmed with tears starring at Beast Boy. She could see his eyes too were on the verge of tears. She embraced him quickly, and his arms opened right away. They held each other like that for the longest time. The couple had been through so much. Though of course now they could see was that they didn't need was another good by… They only needed another chance…

After all… Fourth times a charm. 3


End file.
